Blood, Sweat and Tears
From Self-Hate to Self-LoveOn my yoga mat..On my mat is one of the places I went to try to lose a few pounds.On the mat is where I was tested, and fought with myself. I thought it was just the yoga instructor or the people around me, but I realized it was me vs me.I pushed myself to get an outcome rooted from self-hate.Yes, a dedicated practice helped give me the result I was looking for, but the amazing feeling after achieving it wasn't always permanent. I would always find myself hating on my self again and again.I cried after classes..I cried during classes..I found the mat was where I was releasing all the painful emotions I was holding inside me..I had so much anger.. So much pain.I shed and shed and shed.Then, it became less about the physical, but, more about emotional release... and, spiritual connection.One day, the voice in my head changed. What I saw and felt inside me softened. The outside didn't really matter. In fact, I saw it in a different lens. Everything was SO BEAUTIFUL.I felt cared for. I felt nurtured. I felt seen. I felt heard. I felt accepted. I felt beautiful. I felt loved.by Me...And this day forward, I learned that it was not so much about the physical outcome, it was so much more than that. The negative voices in my head telling me I wasn't enough, I wasn't thin enough, I wasn't worthy blah blah blah. It was washed by all the tears and sweat I've let out. It was silenced. And I finally was able to connect with the sweet voice that has been whispering inside me all along -- that the beauty and love I've been looking for has always been within me.I've been looking for my own acceptance and love. I was so busy trying to fix the outside and been looking elsewhere for the answer to my own misery when it was just right there.. right here.Blood, Sweat, and Tears is what it took to find ME.. on my mat.Now, I feel gratitude, I feel connected with my heart and soul.. whether that be through postures, breath, and full awareness and simply appreciation of what IS..On and off the mat.<3